It has not been a good week here at Bleasdale Towers.
It begins to go wrong when Ivory Joe Stalin, my gin soaked estate manager, discovers some tins of camouflage paint beneath a tarpaulin at the back of the barn. No doubt they have been sitting there since the end of hostilities in 1945. For some reason, he decides it would be a good idea to paint the cow shed with it.
We haven’t been able to find the building for three days now.
On the bright side, Ivory Joe also painted the garden shed, which has also disappeared. At least my tsundoku problem has gone away as I keep all my books in there.
Yesterday, my pet chameleon Karma catches a chill whilst trying to imitate a bag of sprouts defrosting in the kitchen.
I wrap him in a tartan rug to warm him up.
This morning I find he has sadly died of confusion.
On Friday evening, just like the cow shed, I am unable to find any Dockers ‘A’ players out and about in the port. I assume that they, like the chameleon are mortally confused, this after a disastrous night upon the oche down Lowther Road. An 8-0 drubbing, at the hands of the Dave Smith inspired Cons, surely ends their dreams of retaining the title they secured in such dramatic fashion last May.
Equally perplexed on Friday evening are the Olympians, this after a decidedly unprofitable visit to Annie’s Attic. A brace of opening wins for Jonathan Bridge and skipper Neil Buston gets the Collapsibles off to the best of possible starts against their visitors from the esplanade. And although Danny Ford halves the deficit in game three, before long the home side have reasserted their advantage at the halfway point through man of the match Stan Billington.
A splendid performance by top stick Cavan Thake suggests that a fight back by the Mount contingent is about to commence at the start of the second period, a suggestion that withers swiftly on the vine as Steve Bridge, Len Billington and Tony Kane all win to leave the Comrades, slightly confused but extraordinarily delighted with a 6-2 final scoreline.
Still doggedly pursuing the Cons in second spot is Highbury ‘A’, this after seeing off the challenge of the Femme Fatales with something to spare. Averages front runner Scott Hayton eases further ahead of the chasing pack in recording win number 21 of the campaign, further victories for Eddie Miller, Mark Thwaites and Johnny Johnstone extend their advantage to 4-0, before Margaret Garner finally gets the gals up and running in game five.
Alas for the ladies, man of the match performance from Carl Simey quickly secures both points for the footballers, before Berni Newby and Trish Hughes reduce the deficit to a far more respectable 5-3 at the death.
The Bowling Boys are enjoying a degree more success against the footballers ‘B’ squad, wins for Terry Beavers, ace archer Arthur Armstrong, Ian Ivison and Alan Jackson taking them within touching distance of victory. However, a hat trick of wins by man of the match Andy Helsby, Ray White and Geoff Ward rapidly reduces the deficit to 4-3, their resistance only coming to an end when Mark Wilson secures the tie for the visitors in the final leg.
Also guilty of frittering away an excellent opening period this week are the Broadwater Boys. Skipper Matty Kilburn, Darren Rathbone, Darrell Moore and Dave Pilling all return triumphant from the oche against the Workingmens, the response from their visitors a solitary win for beige behemoth Don Gair.
Alas and alack, that is to be the end of the home side’s triumphs on Friday, as Rick Lee, Reb Hogg and Peter Fogg all winning to secure a share of the spoils, this despite last man Peter’s opponent Jimmy Pilling rattling in a 180 to no avail.
The Blasted Heathens mini revival continues apace this week as last man Gav Billington secures both points at the end of a terrific tussle against the Blyth Spirits on Preston Street. An opening throw of 152 by home skipper Chris Blyth ensures that he is adjudged best of breed for Dockers ‘B’, with Mark Mizon catching the eyes of those in the cheap seats with his performance for the triumphant Taverners.
The Beach Road Boys avoid slipping to the bottom of the pile this week, this after a splendid shared experience of the darting kind upon Lord Street. Jeff Wright, top dog Jamie Spore and Harold Rees get the visitors off to a splendid start against the Royal Oak, this before Daniel Atkin reduces the deficit to 3-1 at the end of the opening period.
Daniel Christian guarantees the visitors at least a point in making it 4-1, which proves to be as good as it gets for the Queens as Tony Brogden, Sean Atkin and Graham Roney all record wafer thin victories to snatch a point from the grasp of their opponents when all seemed irretrievably lost.
Finally, this week we have another splendid close encounter upon Poulton Road, as the Fuzzy Ducks take on the Syncopated Sanatogen Sippers. Early wins for Ian Ball, Lee Nield and an ebullient Ian Kempson see the home side sail serenely clear of the perplexed pensioners, this before Joe Lavery opens the octogenarians account in making it 3-1. Further wins for John Rowe and Andy Gratrix make the points safe for the Strawberry squad, before a late rally by the visitors James Unsworth and Dave Grigg reduces the final deficit to 5-3.