Roisin Pelan writes about her elation as she has been re-approved to adopt a boy.
Five years, still here!
This week, we had the best news - We have been re-approved to adopt.
It has been like the longest pregnancy known to man. We were originally approved in November 2017 but two months later, the cancer was back.
My consultant told me adoption would no longer be an option and just like that, the life we’d hoped for was over.
We were devastated.
We had been through so much to get to this stage.
But that’s cancer - it does not care in the slightest.
Michael never accepted that we wouldn’t be able to adopt.
He always said we were going to get our boy when all this was over.
I, on the other hand for a while, felt like it could never happen. I loved him for his optimism though.
Fast forward 17 months of chemo, radio, surgery and more chemo and this week we finally got the YES we so desperately hoped for in the darkest of days.
Now, we just wait for our little one to find his way to us. We also celebrated five years since my original diagnosis this week too. A day I sometimes felt would never come.
When I held my little daughter Ivy in my arms the day she was born, a part of me tried not to bond with her because I was so utterly terrified of leaving her but it was impossible.
I loved her more than I had ever loved anything on earth and she was my little secret weapon - and she still is.
Everything I do, I do harder and stronger because I’ve got her to live for.
I can’t not mention my Michael Brown.
He has been my strength, never faltering in his certainty that I was going to get better.
Getting up and carrying on every day even when he must have been terrified inside.
He’s my hero, truly. I love him.
It was mental health awareness week recently and I feel like I want to shout from the rooftops GO AND SPEAK TO SOMEONE.
Don’t suffer in silence.
You might think your problems are too severe and beyond help or you might think they’re too minuscule to warrant any help but if it’s bothering you - go and speak to someone, it helps - I promise.
I had the help of a psychologist after both of my diagnoses and I honestly feel I would have needed to be hospitalised if I hadn’t had that help.
There was one night I even asked Michael to phone me an ambulance because I thought I was absolutely losing my mind.
It’s a torture and I cannot bear the idea that people might not have anyone to off-load to.
If you had a toothache, you’d go to the dentist so if you have a ‘mind ache’ go and speak to someone. Even me, if you like.
So now life carries on, cancer is never far from my thoughts but I can go a good few minutes without thinking of it.
My mind is getting stronger and my ability to cope with the fear that will always live inside me gets stronger.
I am hopeful and optimistic and sometimes a little terrified.
But I am here with the option of a future I never I thought I would have.
Always have hope.