You know how traumatic it is when you can’t find your darts.
First you send your manservant to search through the pockets of the clothes you discarded upon the bedroom floor.
Then you get him to telephone the local taxi company to see whether they have been found in one of their cabs.
Finally, you organise a search party, scouring drawers and cupboards throughout the ancient pile.
Alas, your efforts are in vain.
You wrack your aristocratic brain for details of the previous night’s Bacchanalian excesses.
You remember going to the Rat and Armpit for the match against bitter local rivals, the Drunken Heifer.
You vaguely remember dancing on a table after defeating bitter local rivals, the Drunken Heifer.
You can’t remember anything after being escorted off the premises around midnight.
I have just reached this point in my musings when Fotheringay enters the boudoir to say that Mr. Samuel Frank, proprietor of the Oakenclough Palais de Dance has telephoned to say that he has found my missing tungstens.
Suddenly, the mists clear.
Now I remember.
After being thrown out of the Rat and Armpit, we decided to go for a dance.
That’s when..........I left my darts in Sam Frank’s Disco!
Also guilty of misplacing their arrows during the first five weeks of the season have been the players from Highbury ‘B’. Still without a victory, they welcome the Biased Boys to the football club on Friday.
And just as the Workies got their season underway seven days previously, so to the Highbury boys reach the halfway point 3-1 to the good, this after wins for Anthony Rhimes, Michael Shaw and man of the match Michael Thwaites. A solitary victory for top dog Ian Ivison at least keeps the visitors in touch.
Pretty soon though they have been cut adrift completely as early second half wins for Steve Hayton and Ray White see the hosts secure a comfortable first win of the campaign.
And although Mark Wilson maintains his perfect start with victory for the Bowling Club in the penultimate leg, the Highbury are not to be denied further, as Geoff Ward rounds off a splendid 6-2 victory with the final darts of the match.
Also losing their way in recent weeks are the Collapsible Comrades, the latest blot on their escutcheon, a comprehensive 6-2 home defeat at the hands of table toppers the Mount.
The Billington brothers alone manage to secure a brace of wins for the hosts, as Danny Ford hits an eleven darts leg in securing his man of the match nomination for the omnipotent Olympians.
Things look to be slipping away from averages leader Rob Saunders in the dying embers of the match. But then, a neat 78 two dart finish by the Mount star ensures that he remains at the top of the pile for another week.
Femme Fatale Michelle White brings the winning start of Scott Hayton to a grinding halt on Friday in Albert Square.
Unfortunately, this proves to be the only win mustered by the Kings Own Ladies, as Rob Job inspires second in the table Highbury ‘A’ to a comprehensive 7-1 victory.
Also enjoying a successful trip out on Friday are defending champions the Cons, as they exploit the gaps in the Deaduns defences with ruthless abandon.
And it appears that I am not alone in finding my darts at the weekend, for Roy Gaskell looks to have located his, this after they have been collecting dust for a considerable period.
A ten dart masterclass by the Silverback gets the visitors off to a flying start on Lord Street, an advantage soon relinquished however as Dave Spencer chalks up his first win of the season for the hosts in game two.
Thereafter, things go rapidly downhill for the home side as Dale Newton powers in a 118 finish in taking the visitors safely across the winning line.
Lee Shewan maintains his imperious run of form this week, a finish of 102 best on the night for Dockers ‘A’ as they eviscerate the Beach Road Boys by 7-1.
Jamie Spore flies a solitary flag of resistance for the queasy Queens, as they see their early season hopes continue to spiral ever downwards.
Having broken their duck last week, the Workingmens travelled down Broadwater keen to keep things on an upward track.
Despite falling behind at 1-0, this after a flurry of terrific tungstens from Cricket Club skipper Jimmy Pilling, pretty soon the fast improving Steve Gray and Brian Wood had edged the visitors ahead.
But then the wheels fall of the Oriental bandwagon, as Dean Stockell, Dave Pilling, debutante Dave Wright and Ian Stewart all win for the home side. A comfortable win for last man Rick Lee provides but small consolation for the 5-3 losers.
After hitting a 115 outshot last week, Strawberry star Graham Hopkinson does even better on Friday. His 120 finish against the Blasted Heathens is currently best of an embryonic campaign.
Sadly, Graham is ploughing something of a lone furrow at present, this after Ian Barron helps the Taverners secure a comfortable 6-2 victory on Poulton Road.
Finally this week, a relaxing night at the oche is had by the Blyth Spirits as they see off the Peripatetic Pensioners with something to spare.
A brace of wins for Jake Stewart and the returning Elliot Lowe make it 2-0 for the Dockers, this before Geoff Moyle reduces the deficit to a solitary leg in game three.
Further wins for Chris Blyth Junior, man of the match Gareth Bidder, Craig Gill and Mitch Blyth extend the home advantage to 6-1, their progress only halted when Ashley last man Dave Yates books his place in the big slipper with victory in the final leg.
Thanks for reading.