It is within the great hall of the palace upon Olympus that the deities gather together each Friday evening.
From platters of precious metal they feast upon ambrosia and sip nectar from gilded tankards filled to the brim by Keiranus Maximus, or “King of the Pumps” as he is often referred to by the great translators of ancient mythology.
Along the esplanade they travel each week, there to converse upon the affairs of heaven and earth, upon doubles and trebles and occasionally the price of fish.
And whilst these magnificent orators are opining on subjects wide and diverse, a heavenly choir of muses serenades them gently from their position in the bay window by the pool table.
But even though all the residents of the great hall enjoy equal status within such a plutocratic gathering, these days there is one amongst their number whom is considered to be at the very top of his game – or a mighty deity indeed.
In the good old days this silver haired Adonis would have celebrated his triumphs in a bath of asses milk, a phalanx of Nubian slaves easing the strains of victory from his weary muscles with unctuous oils and spices, whilst all around him the cries of “Magna Sagittae!” would echo throughout the gilded chambers of Olympus.
But as Latin is no longer in popular usage amongst the cream of port society, today he has to make do with a few pats on the back from his fellow Olympians, with an occasional “Well done Cavan” thrown in for good measure.
For on Friday Cavan “The Suffolk Punch” Thake moves to the top of the league averages by securing his fifth straight win of the season with a twelve darts masterclass in the opening leg of the Mount’s table topping clash against Dockers ‘A’.
Following a shared experience between Rob Saunders and Graham McCarthy, it is the home side that takes a firm grip on the match with a brace of wins for Peter Jackson and Martin Parry Jones.
And although man of the match Mark Smith and Anthony Hadgraft reduce the Olympian advantage to a solitary leg at the start of the second period, before long it is all up for the visitors when Jimmy Reilly squeezes home by the narrowest of margins in the penultimate leg. A consolatory victory for Adam Blyth in the final leg is but a scant consolation for the deflated defending champions.
Having themselves been turned over unceremoniously seven days previously by the Mount, it is important for the Lowther Lotharios to get back to winning ways without delay as they travel down Lord Street to take on a resurgent Royal Oak. Alan Ashton duly leads the way with a performance of pyrotechnic precision for the Cons as they romp to an emphatic 6-2 victory over their hosts, this despite another epic effort whom the currently flawless Tony Brogden.
Moving smoothly into second spot in the table this week are Highbury ‘A’, this after rampaging through the defences of the Blasted Heathens in deepest Rossall. Johnny Johnstone is best on the night for the voracious victors, an 8-0 scoreline testimony to their ocheological omnipotence.
Meanwhile, at the other end of the table it is time at last for the dim sung to be unleashed, this after the Chinese Telephone Directory finally get their season underway at the fifth time of asking. Turning round at 2-2 in their match away to the Jamie Spore inspired Beach Road Boys; things seem to be heading for a tight finish, that is until suddenly the Orientals start whizzing and fizzing around the oche like demented Chinese Crackers. Before long they have taken all four second half games, exploding triumphantly to a 6-2 victory via Phil Lee, Simon Callighan, Reb Hogg and Hot Wok Ricky Lee.
This win for the Workingmens lifts them off the bottom of the table, their place at the bottom of the heap occupied by a Cricket Club squad that actually led the Cons 4-0 on opening night. Since then the wheels have completely come off the Broadwater bandwagon, a 6-2 defeat on Friday the latest setback in a season that augured so well at the outset. Anthony Rhimes is best on the night for the victors as they continue to climb remorselessly upwards, whilst for the vanquished Tony Kemp is the cherry atop a decidedly soggy bottomed cricketing cake.
The Blyth Spirits and Fuzzy Ducks are enjoying themselves hugely on Friday evening down Preston Street, albeit that the hosts look to be cruising to their second win of the campaign when 4-1 to the good, this after a quartet of Blyth successes for Chris (Senior), Chris (Junior), Cliff the Elder and Mitch the Younger. Alas, they too then appear to run out of puff in the final furlong, thus allowing John Rowe, Graham Hopkinson and Andy Gratrix to snatch a point for the Strawberry in the dying embers of the match.
Things also look to be going comfortably the way of the Collapsible Comrades this week as they build up a head of steam against the Femme Fatales. But again, things start to go awry when the score reaches 4-1, as wins for dame of the game Tracey Cunningham and Trish Hughes reduces the deficit to a solitary leg. Suffice it to say that there is much relief amongst the ranks of gathered Collapsibles when last man Tony Kane manages to pin his finishing double for a wafer thin 5-3 victory.
Finally this week we travel to Upper Lune Street, where the Biased Boys are playing host to the Peripatetic Pensioners. Keen to maintain their meteoric start to the campaign, the visitors have been bulking up all week on pureed steak. Dentures, walking frames and Velcro sneakers have all been serviced to ensure maximum performance at the Bowling Club.
Alas, things go downhill rapidly from the start as Dave Sabin, Mike Jackson and Alan Jackson all secure wins for their hosts, this before Martin Coleclough reduces the deficit in a wonderful game with homester Mark Wilson. The Biased Boy rattles in a tremendous 152 opener in the game, but can only stand and watch admiringly as Martin finishes in style on 118 to reduce the deficit to 3-1.
Sadly that is as good as it gets for the aged ones, as man of the match Ian Ivison and Terry Beavers extend the home side advantage to a winning 5-1, just in time it would appear as Geoff Moyle and Harold Davies take the last two legs for the resilient Retirement Home.
Thanks for reading.